Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
