i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
