its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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