I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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