Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
