I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
