I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
