Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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