Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
