Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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