drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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