It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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