This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
