just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were trust falling into bushes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
