I wish my penis had an off switch
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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