She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
