oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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