Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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