My room smells like vodka and shame
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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