I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
