don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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