just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
