from now on my penis is your penis
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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