He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
