Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
