I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize