The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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