I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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