Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
