sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
