I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
