Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
