I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
