i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
