My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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