I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
