i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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