considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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