i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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