sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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