right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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