I accidentally had phone sex last night
My cat gives me a boner
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
