May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
