finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
