You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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