Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
