it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
