Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
