I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
