I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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