You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
