dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
