It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
