Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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