Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
