Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
