First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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